


Smart Comes In Different Shapes and Forms

by 7CuteCreationImagination7



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Ableism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Gaila (Star Trek: AOS), Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Illiterate Kirk, Jim needs a hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bones, Smart Kirk, Starfleet Academy, Tarsus IV, Universe Alteration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-02-06 11:38:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12816714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7CuteCreationImagination7/pseuds/7CuteCreationImagination7
Summary: Kirk is a genius. However, he can't read or write, despite his numerous degrees and certificates. This is how he navigates Starfleet Academy, despite his illiteracy. -- ON HITAUS DUE TO WRITERS BLOCK. IDEAS VERY WELCOME





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! This is another Star TreK AOS Work! There is a similar story, somewhere here... but the plot bunnies came, and I just had to write it for myself! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fanfiction. I own nothing. God Bless You! :)

As he sat in the shuttle, the cadets in their atrocious red uniform eyeing him suspiciously, he wondered what in the universe he had been thinking last night.

Sure, he had made bad decisions before, such as deciding to drive a car off a cliff, setting his bed on fire ( by accident) and being “unofficially” homeless. But none of these decisions had been so catastrophically stupid!

To cut himself some slack, he could admit to himself that he could not be completely blamed for making this decision. Not only had he been drunk ( only a bit, he refused to get completely drunk), on an adrenaline high from the fight, and then had had another stranger rattle on to him about his “wasted potential”, and his “father’s legacy”.

But he still couldn’t understand how his 3 a.m. self has thought that joining Starfleet was a good idea.

Firstly, there was the tiny, non existent problem that Starfleet was the reason why both of his parents were dead. It was a small consolation that both deaths had lead to changes in protocol, and that he now had a huge bank account.

Then there was the issue of… Tarsus.. in which they had swept it all under the rug, after showing up to a genocide 5 months late. Which, to be honest he felt entitled to be bitter about, considering the fact that he was one of the 25 survivors.

Lastly, there was the biggest issue. 

Jim couldn’t read or write.

Which was going to make studying, reading and taking exams difficult in a university.

So yeah. This was definitely on the top three on the long list of “Ridiculous Decisions That James T Kirk Has Made”

He heard a rather, rough looking “Doctor” arguing with the attendant, and regretted the attempt to calm him down. He already wanted to eject himself outside of the shuttle, he didn’t need anyone telling him more reasons as to why he should do so.

He gladly took the flask from Bones. The man might be divorced and terrified , but he at least knew how to read. And didn’t hate Starfleet with every fibre of his being, which was a bonus, even if practically everyone else had that bonus but Jim.

As the cadet next to him stopped sneaking glances, and began openly staring. Jim pointedly ignored him, and decided to think positively about the situation.

It wasn’t like he knew nothing. Pike hadn’t even seen his full file, if Starfleet Captains could see his full file he would have them crawling around his house, begging him to join. 

It was a bit of a miracle really, but he had four degrees, three Masters and two PhD’s. He had managed to take the tests through oral exams, had studied by recording lectures, and had drawn, filmed or spoken his research.

Fortunately, hacking was easy because, when you got down to it, it was just numbers. So his file only mentioned the first two degrees, and that he had an unmentioned driving felony, an act of accidental arson, and had not paid the fine for not attending jury duty.

But that had all been done through distance courses, under ambiguous names ( James K, Jimmy Tiberius K, James Kirk Tiberius). He had even dyed his hair brown, or put in contacts to try and ensure that no one realised that the “Kelvin Baby”, son of “Engineering Genius Winona Kirk” and “ National Hero George Kirk” was illiterate, homeless and orphaned.

The aptitude tests he had taken out of boredom when he was 16 had been insanely easy. They had been like the old IQ tests then had used in the 21st century , just with the extra modifications. There had been little need for his lack of legibility to come up, as there had been the option to have the questions read out, and most had just been pattern matching, basic maths, basic physics and he had only really struggled with the spelling part.

He felt his head nodding, the fact that he hadn’t slept for 26 hours catching up on him. However he decided not to succumb to sleep, because he suddenly realised that the four, rather muscular cadets which were staring at him, all had rather familiar broken noses, bruised eyes and split lips.

As one went to lean forwards to “speak” to him, the shuttle stopped. Jim breathed a sigh of relief, and tried his hardest not to laugh at the sickly green face of his neighbour, who was looking at the open doors asif they were the most beautiful things in the world.

Bones, practically sprinted out of the shuttle towards the Medical Registration Office. He felt a sad pang, as he realised that the only other person who was not 100% enthusiastic about joining Starfleet Academy, was someone he would probably never see again.

The mildly sad feeling was replaced by a massive sickening realisation that he had to go and be registered. He gulped as he saw the cadets filling in forms, typing away, with their perfect literacy.

He took one of the official PaDDs and winced as he say the meaningless quiggles, shapes and lines in front of him. He was debating throwing the PaDD at the officer and running for his life, when he remembered how he had worked with the PaDDs when he had been preparing for his PhDs. The app. 

All he had to do was annoy someone into putting the app into the PaDD, because, the PaDD was more or less a confusing brick at the moment.

The officer, Officer Andras stepped forward, and, in perfect Spanish spoke to him, asking if he “needed any help”, probably in an attempt to show him up. 

He committed the name to memory, Spanish was not a language taught in most schools, except for, so-called StarFleet-Factories, and the officer had a clean American accent.

He smirked and responded,  
“ Sí por favor! Es que esta mañana tengo un dolor de cabeza, y estos PaDDs,pues no puedo leer lo que dicen! Es que la pantalla es demasiada brillante, y mis ojos me duelen. Yo vi que unos PaDDs tienen un app que deja que puedas poner para gente siega. Yo se que no soy siego, pero sabes, si tengo una migraña…”

( translation : Yes please! Its just that this morning I have a headache, and these PaDDs, well I can’t read chat they say! Its that the screen is too bright, and my eyes are hurting. I saw that some PaDDs have an app that you can put in for blind people. I know that I’m not blind, but you know, if I get a migraine …)

Spanish had been easy to learn for him. He had learnt by listening to what people said, acting as a kindergarten assistant in Perú, and then an Art teacher in Mexico. Learning how to speak languages was easy, and it gave him a wonderful smug feeling when he showed up snobs like the officer in front of him.

He continued his rant about migraines, headaches, and how PaDDs have affected his, and his “friends” eyes on many occasions. The officer snatched the PaDD out of his hands, tapped for a while and thrust it back to him.

He “filled” out the form, and went to go to his assigned room.

He sighed as he saw the ambiguous signs.

His time at Starfleet Academy would be a rather interesting one.


	2. Kelvin Memorial Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk is starting to struggle under the weight of his secrets. One is revealed at the Memorial service as he ferverently deals with the stigmas that come from his lack of reading or writing. But Kirk is nothing ifnot determined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, this chapter ran away with me a bit, sorry. Any constructive criritcism is welcome, and I hope you can enjoy this second chapter. God Bless You :)

He was beginning to regret his decision even more. Two months ago, he hadn’t thought it possible to feel regret in your bones, but hey, here he was.

It wasn’t that the studying was hard, no, that was the easy part. He was well on his way to graduating one year early. It was the actual act of studying and learning that was difficult.

He could record lectures with his PaDD, and could get the PaDD to read out texts, and messages to him. Years of not being able to read had taught him to have an excellent memory, so he could memorise what the professor had said after a second time of hearing it.

However, it was the academy itself, and the people inside it which were making his life difficult.

The teachers, Admirals and Captains all had varying opinions on him. Some , like Professor Kardinl had given him a ten minute lecture on how he had to be better that his father, and how he could not expect easy grades due to his lineage.

He had received similar lectures all which had ended up with the official tearing up due to an extremely distant connection to the Kelvin Disaster (“ My mother’s friend’s cousin was on that ship you know”,) and then went on to interrogate him as to why he hadn’t joined after getting his first two degrees. And then another lecture as to who he had only taken two degrees, when both his parents had taken three. Luckily, only five people had been ridiculous enough to mention his father to him, so not many people knew.

There were the other teachers which hated him. He had been told of for wearing earphones during study sessions, had had one teacher yell at him for his bad decisions ( not joining starlet straight out of University) and had had another call him arrogant and lazy.

His classmates were also beginning to grate on him. Bones kept berating him for not taking notes, and for not buying the assigned textbooks, and for not responding to the messages which he left on “sticky notes”

Uhura, whom he instantly regretted ever meeting, had shouted at him twice, stating that if he was “ Too conceited , or too lazy to take notes and actually study, then he should not even be at Starfleet at all”

The other factor that was making him uncomfortable was the place itself. 

He hadn’t actually lived in one single place for more that a year since his fifteenth birthday. It had been fun, if rather dangerous and slightly illegal, to hitchhike on random inter-planet, and international shuttles, and just live in a place, learn the culture, earn some money and do his distance courses. It was ironic, but the lack of stability reassured him.

Staying in one building for one year straight, let alone three sounded like a nightmare to him. He had done all the safety precautions, ration bars under his bed, building a miniature replicator in his room, having three escape plans for every room etc. But it still made him… restless.

The attitude towards Starfleet, and himself in general was also awful. The “inspiring statements” stating that Starfleet stood for “ Truth, Justice, Unity and Diversity” had made him want to both laugh and cry at the same time. The naivety of the students, most of which were older that him, was absolutely baffling. Some spoke of Starfleet like it was some sort of answer to the universe’s problems, which again, had lead to Jim laughing so hard he had cried.

He sat up, his too-soft bed making him sink even further into the covers. This long contemplation was ridiculous, and it wasn’t as if he could actually drop out. That would mean proving them right.

And Kirk was nothing if not defiant, stubborn and determined.

He looked at the calendar and sighed. This was going to be the second worst week of the academic year. And he was going to have to suffer through it three times.

The bright voice sounded on the speakers  
‘  
Time to get up Cadets. Remember, it is Kelvin Memorial Week, in which we remember and acknowledge the lives that have perished in the name of Starfleet. This evening we will have a service, in which we remember those that lead to big changes in protocol, and through their sacrifice made Starfleet a better, safer organisation.”

Jim groaned, wondering if six o’clock in the morning was too early to drink. He did not need to be reminded of his “orphanhood” for five days straight. And he definitely did not need everyone in the academy, including the pompous Admirals and the pretentious professors finding out.

He navigated his way through the signs, muttering under his breath,

“ Longest word, shortest word, blue sign then follow until opposite toilets”. It was convoluted, but one night he had mapped out the campus by memory. It had taken him 10 hours to work it out, preparing for all the possible routes he would ever have to take, but it was better that asking people at every turn.

He went through his classes, with the usual looks of scandal and disdain at his lack of note taking. Only three people stopped and mentioned his “ lack of ambition”, his “ blatant immodesty and naivety” and his “ utter disregard for the educational system”. Which was not the best, but he had had one day in which four professors, and five upperclassmen had berated him, so it could be worse.

By the time evening fell, he had almost forgotten how awful the service would be. Not just, the actual service, but finding his way to the service.

The professors had told the students to follow the signs. But there were many signs in a large city like San Fransisco, especially due to the large amount of Kelvin Memorial Services.

He was about to swallow his pride and ask Ensign Fr’klata of any restaurants near the “ Hall of Remembrance”, when Bones clapped him on the shoulder and muttered, 

“ Come on, idiot. We gotta go to this service, I know you don’t care for bureaucracy, but this ain’t somethin’ you can miss. At least pretend you care”

Jim was about to scream at Bones that he was probably the only person who would actually care about the service, when he realised.  
If Bones, who was his roommate and knew his surname, and was a genius, hadn’t figured out his lineage, then perhaps no one would. Only five of his fifteen professors had recognised him, and only 4 had mentioned his father to him ( excluding Pike, obviously). Sure they regularly lectured him, but no one ( except a few Captains and an Admiral or two) had actually connected the dots. 

If he had managed to keep this secret safe, then maybe, the others would stay safe too.

The minute he arrived at the memorial service, his heart plummeted into his stomach.  
They had put up pictures of the “martyrs”, with what he assumed were eulogies underneath the frames photographs.  
Sure, it would be interesting to find out more about Klingon War Hero Nelson Grantaf, but he could get an audio later to decipher the squiggles for him.

But now he had bigger problems. Like how to hide his face, his eyes, and perhaps erase his name from peoples memories.

A bell chimed, indicating that the service had begun. Bones yanked him down into a seat. It wasn’t until he looked aro  
und that he realised that he was right in the middle of the room. Where everyone could see him. Great  
The Admiral — Admiral Archer — spoke of “Honour” and how “These people have ensured that Starfleet is better, stronger and safer for all”.

Then he began calling out the names

“ Thalia Kinnlar, sacrificed her life to save a native Erlobs population from a large reptile. Lead to changes in beaming protocol. Result: Protocol 234 a Officers must have a loaded phaser on person when warping into a planet/moon/nation  
George Kirk, sacrificed his life to defeat Romulan warlord Emperor Nero, saving 800 lives. This lead to an increase in Starfleet Board Meetings, from bi- annually to monthly meetings. Also, an increase in safety shuttles, and in warships”

At that mention, he felt many eyes swivel round to him. Some with a sickening pity and realisation, or with blatant recognition, and a few with obvious confusion. He winced as Archer continued  
“  
Winona Kirk, sacrificed her life to repair a faulty engine on the USS Platinum. This lead to routine engine checks, and modified safety suits for engineering crew”

The stares worsened. A few mouthes dropped open, and he saw some of his professors eyes round with pity and “care”.  
The service continued, but Kirk stopped paying attention after slides with writing came on after Archer stated  
” I’m sure you can read this, otherwise, well you wouldn’t here! Anyway, these information slides will play during out 22 minutes of silence, in remembrance of those who died 22 years ago on the Kelvin”  
Huh, he thought. Today was his birthday. He had genuinely forgotten.

He waited until the slides ended, and he stormed out with the cadets trickling out.

He ignored the pitying stares, he ignored the oppressive feelings of false sympathy, and simply walked to the campus building, discreetly following the group of students.

He eavesdropped into their conversation, hoping to ensure his assumption that they were, intact headed to the residence halls.  
“… Yeah, I was not expecting that. It’s a genetic impossibility, for George Kirk and Winona Kirk, to have created such a non-heroic child…”

Jim gulped, reminding himself that punching was bad, because punching lead to broken noses, and broken noses ended up with a doctor asking him about his weird medical file.

“… I know, I was so ready for that service to finish. I can’t wait to get to my dorm. I have to revise so may notes, ugh. Bet you that Kirk doesn’t, he never takes notes. He is either too indolent, or too obtuse to take them. Figures, with everything handed to him on a silver platter”

Jim stopped, knowing that if he got any closer to the students, he would probably scream at them. The signs near him had a familiar font, and he could remember the plans he had memorised with these signs.

He walked into his room, his roommate probably still at the “After Service Party”. 

Jim wondered if he could perhaps be the one to break a few records. Maybe that he could be a hero.  
He sadly huffed, chewing on a ration bar as his timer went off. The only records he was close to breaking were “ First Illiterate Person To Enter Starfleet”,and “Fastest Starfleet Dropout”.

He fell asleep with determination on his mind, though.  
He was not going to let his past, his illiteracy or peoples attitudes stop him from graduating with full honours in three years.

Yeah, he was going to prove them wrong, despite the odds. He was going to be the best Starfleet Captain ever, and no-one was going to stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. And for those who have commented, you are all amazing, thank you so so much. I hope you enjoyed it. God Bless You :)


	3. Someone Finds Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stress of Starfleet Academy is really getting to Jim, especially with the knowlege that finals are coming up. Due to the build up, someone finds out about his illiteracy. Is this the end, or will they actually help

It was starting to get difficult.

With finals coming up he knew he had to find a way to do the papers, well not on paper. He had already managed convince Professor Renata to let him do his argument orally, but that had only worked because Renata was a fan of alternative education ideas, and generally liked Jim.

The rest of the professors were either completely by the book, or hated Jim with every fibre of their being, or a fun mixture of both.

It was also making the rest of his life difficult.

As Starfleet was full of know it all snobs, since Starfleet Academy was expensive, exclusive and bureaucratic , he had many people giving him unsolicited advice.

For instance, today he had an obnoxious boy, Etonian accent and gold cuffs on his uniform, tell him that if he wrote down what the teacher said, he might get better grades.

Which had made him laugh, because first of all, he can’t bloody write, and secondly, last night he had hacked into the grade database, and he had been in the top ten, despite the fact that he was not clever enough to read.

As he submitted most of his essays as audio files, videos or got his PaDD to act as a scribe, getting good grades was easy. Well, getting mediocre grades was easy.

Sure, he got dirty looks from nearly all his teachers and classmates when he walked in with only a PaDD in hand, and was called “stupid”, “imbecile” and on one glorious occasion “ an absolute idiot whom cannot even hold a pen”; which would have been funny, you know, if it wasn’t true.

The rest of his secrets were also getting to him.  
His roommate would lock him out of the dorm if he wasn’t there at 8:30 PM sharp. The sleeping was fine, he didn’t like sleeping, and could catch 4 hours of sleep in the library. The problem was that the ration bars, and knives were in the room.

So he had had to go back to keeping a ration bar in each boot, and a knife in the sole of his left boot. This wasn’t the worst problem, no. It was that his timer had lost charge, and if the timer didn’t go off, there was the slight problem that he forgot to eat. Or ate everything in sight in a panic.

Which brought back bad memories, which lead to even less sleep occurring.

And this was how he found himself passing out in the middle of a crowded hallway.  
In his defence, he had been eating fine, but he might have not slept in three days, and the combined stress of hiding the fact that his roommate hated him, hiding the fact that he was incapable of reading or writing and hiding the fact that pretty much all of his childhood, both off and on planet had royally sucked, was getting to him.

Still, he thought from the uncomfortable hospital bed. He should have known better than to pass out in the Main Hall way in the middle of rush hour. Hopefully, his false reputation would swoop in and convince people it was some sort of epic hangover, or that he had just done it “for attention”.

( He wasn’t quite sure how this fake reputation had come about, but he though that the mixture of his unorthodox assignments, his fake lack of qualifications and his lack of reading and note taking had something to do with it)

He was about to rip the intravenous line off his arm, and make his escape plan, when Bones walked in.

Darn.

Bones walked up to the bed, his eyebrows furrowed down. Jim fought back toe urge to shrink back, reminding himself that he was in a stupid hospital, surrounded by nurses, and not in an old farmhouse in Iowa.

Bones sat down, staring at him. Eventually he growled out, his southern drawl accentuated in frustration.

“ Kid, you want to tell me what that was. You got no alcohol in your system, your blood glucose level is spectacularly low and you have eye bags so dark they look like a black hole ate your face. Not to mention the fact that they found a knife and two emergency ration bars in your boots. And your stress levels are way too high to be healthy. I’m a doctor not a mindreader, tell me whats going on! ”

Jim tried not to panic. There was no way to explain this without mentioning Tarsus, or his evil roommate — and his roommate was a popular, rich upperclassmen who’s father was an Admiral. And Jim would rather bite his own foot off than mention Tarsus, and he wasn’t going to make enemies with another powerful figure.

So he would have to divert.

He gulped, the only answer to get him out of this situation was to tell Bones a lesser secret. Bones knew about his dead parents, Bones knew about his allergies. 

The only this left tell Bones was about his illiteracy.

Man, he hated hospitals, he always ended up regretting ever having entered.

He fiddled with the scratchy white blanket and muttered, 

“ Bones, I …can’t read , or write. Thats it m ‘kay”

Silence fell over the hospital room. The heightened bleeping of the heart monitor the only sound.  
He was about to run when Bones huffed

“ Okay. Okay. Your’e illiterate. Guess you’ve tried to learn right?”

He glared at him. He had obviously tried to learn, but his brain just wouldn’t comprehend it.

“ Fine, sorry. Um… well it explains most of it. So that’s why you don’t take notes. You record, right?. Okay. We can work through this. I take it you don’t want anyone to know. Right. This ain’t gonna be easy but, we work through this “

Bones stopped his panicked rambling when he noticed that Jim was trying to unhook the drip.

“ Don’t you dare! You are sitting here and absorbing all the liquids and nutrients you need. We will figure out a way to do this. I can try and give you a medical excuse for finals, and them we can …”  
As Bones started finding some rather good ( if illegal) solutions to his problem, without the pity and condescension that others had given him, Jim smiled.

Perhaps things would get better.

And they did.   
Bones gave him some fake prescription which was for an "invisible incurable alien eye infection", so he had an excuse for his professors. Bones stopped berating him for not taking notes and glared at anyone that did.

Everything was going fine.

Until there was a new Ethics professor.


	4. Defending Kodos on Paper Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new ethics Professor arrives, with a personal vendetta aginst Jim. Will Jim be able to fullfill the assignment?

Professor Ratman was, in short, a horrible person.

It was one of the things that the student body unanimously agreed on, within a week of his admission.

He belittled every single student. From Jason Archer ( Admiral Archer’s grandson who had come straight with degrees from Yale, Harvard and Cambridge), to little Pavel Chekov who hadn’t even turned fourteen yet.

Oh and he seemed to have a personal vendetta against Jim. He went as far as banning PaDDs in lessons, and forcing all students to come in with pen and paper.

Which would seem logical, if it weren’t for the fact that Jim was the only person who wasn’t doing this.

He had contemplated telling Bones, or even contacting Pike, but that just felt like he was a weak snitch. And it wasn’t like either had much power to do anything about it.

He walked into the lesson, a useless notebook and an equally useless pencil and went in for another class of pure frustration and boredom.

That was until he saw the student in front of him murmur what he assumed was the title on the board. The students eyes widened, but then she simply shrugged and went to her seat. 

Kirk was left with her words ringing in his ears “ Tarsus IV: Was Kodos Right?”

He froze, his hands went cold and clammy as his heart thumped painfully against his chest.

The student behind him bumped into him, reminding him where he was, and he shakily made his way to the back of the auditorium.

Ratman stalked in, his greasy grey hair combed over his balding head, his white, almost ghostly skin making his grey eyes look as is they were windows. His small angular face turned as he analysed the room full of students.

He frowned, as if the obedience has displeased him and turned towards the board.

Kirk swallowed, hoping that he was going to rub out the horrific question.

A thin, reedy voice came from the odious man 

“ Today, we will talk about whether Governor Kodos of the Tarsus Four Colony was correct in his actions to eliminate the so-called unworthier half of the population, in an attempt to ensure that the famine did not kill all”

He picked up the pen with shaking hands, and doodled on his page. He began to draw something, anything to distract him from the rising panic in his chest.

Ratman continued  
“ Though I am no advocate for genocide, it must be admitted that Kodos made a good decision. The half which he chose were criminals, lesser beings and rebels. The worthier side were better educated, fitter and were good citizens.”

He held back the urge to scream as he saw students diligently nodding.He hoped that the against arguments would begin, that people would condemn the professor for advocating eugenics.

Pity that most of the students had practically sold their souls to Starfleet and had accepted the unspoken commandment to accept your professors word as law. He continued his sketching, a combination of fury and fear making his hand move erratically around the page.

Ratman stared at the nodding students, his flat eyes glimmering in happiness as the students agreed with his slanderous speech.

Kirk blocked him out, reminding himself that Ratman was a substitute, and that Professor Sonnen was coming back next semester.It wasn’t as if Ratman was talking about anything he didn’t know already. It wasn’t until Ratman quieted that he realised that he had drawn the face of Governor Kodos. He frantically scribbled it out, crushing the paper so hard it went from a sheet to a ball in a matter of seconds.

He was about to sigh with relief when the bell rang until Ratman spoke

“ Your homework is to write a 3000 word essay explaining why Govenor Kodos’ actions were correct. This must be written in pen on paper, otherwise you will fail this semester”

Kirk stumbled out of the classroom, he felt cold and numb, like the world had been submerged under a cold vat of water.

He walked, not knowing where he was going, until he somehow ended up in a small cubby hole in the hidden section of the library.

He slid down the wall, pulling the protein bar out of his boot. It was lukewarm, and tasted of artificial vanilla, but it was comforting and reminded him of where he was, and that he was safe, and there was food.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, shivering as he sleepily munched on his protein bar.  
But the more he thought about the assignment the worse he felt.

Not only did he have to defend the actions of the guy who had called him unworthy, had tortured him and had killed children in front of him, but he also had to actually write it down.

Bones was on a training exercise for two weeks, so it wasn’t like he could go to him for help, and Pike wouldn’t help him unless he revealed the real reason.

So he would have to get someone, who wasn’t in the class, to be a scribe for him.

Which was going to be a problem, because everyone hated him — well they hated his “reputation”.

He knew what he was going to write. He could remember the slogans that the Kodos supporters had shouted. He could still hear the awful propaganda blasting from he speakers. He would advocate Kodos, whilst still ensuring that anyone who read the essay thought that Kodos was a monster.

He was sitting in the library, surrounded by tons of books which he couldn’t read, and trying to catch up on some sleep, as it was now 1 am, when he heard a sound.

Soft hiccups sounded as someone, a girl by the sounds of it sniffed. 

He got out of his cubby hole, his muscles aching from not having moved in…five hours.

He saw a woman standing holding a PaDD, pale white tears streaming down her green face.

He cleared his throat, and she gasped, falling back, but his reflexes helped him catch her.

She brushed herself off and stepped back to look at him.

He prepared for he to mention his “reputation”, stating something about him being a womaniser, an alcoholic etc

She surprised him however by hugging him.

She sniffed.

“ Thank you”

He blinked and once she had let go of him he was pulled down to the floor, bewildered.

She spoke, a soft, teary voice sounding through the dark library

“ I am sorry. My family were… freed last night. I am happy, but I cannot find them… do you think you could help?”

He frowned and grabbed her PaDD, and hacked into the mainframe, using her family surname to find their Orion Government number and finally finding their location. Sure he couldn’t read what it said, but he was 98% sure that the PaDD had given him the location.

She gasped, and started muttering in Orion, after a while she stopped and looked at him.

“ What… what do you want in return?” she spat it out nervously, as if she was expecting him to ask for a pint of blood or something.

He blushed, realising that this was his only chance get someone to help him.

“ Could you… could you do me a favour.”  
He gulped, realising that yet another person would have to find out

“ Look, um… I would be really grateful if you could write a paper for me. I can tell you what to write but its just that I … can’t write down on paper”

Silence fell, he felt the blood rush out of his face as he came to the horrific thought that she would laugh, tell everyone and then — then he would be chucked out of Starfleet and then his life would have no -

“ Yes, I will do that. I will not tell a soul. In return I… I want a friend”

Kirk smiled and momentarily, everything seemed right. Until he remembered what the essay was about.

He asked her when they could meet up to start writing the essay, and headed back to his dorm, hoping that sleep would give him some respite from the memories and images flickering in his head.

Hunger.Pain.Despair.Hopelessness.Guilt.

As he closed his eyes he felt a relief, daring to aspire to a peaceful, restful sleep, so he could have the energy to tackle the essay with as much detachment as possible.

He was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly-- I am not doing Jim/Gaila. I know this is AU but I am a big fan of platonic Male/Female friendship. I want to have them bond over the fact that they are both outcasts due to fake reputations.  
> Secondly, I am doing a second part of this so if you wanted more of traumatised Jim, that will be in the next chapter.  
> This story will eventually have a happy ending don't worry.  
> God Bless :)


	5. The Truth Comes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim finally starts getting the help he needs

Nightmares plagued him all night. 

It had started off simple. He had been in a classroom, simple and small, like that in a high school.  
But then, then the lights had turned on, and had revealed a Professor, Professor Ratman with his back turned away from him

It was when Ratman spoke that Kirk was shocked. It was not the reedy, oily voice that he had been expecting. It was the lower, aristocratic voice of … of Kodos

“ You had so much potential,”

Kodos/Ratman stated the sound ringing out through the cold room

“Pity you are too stupid to even write properly. Otherwise you might have, you might have been worthy”

The room changed back into the clinical science lab, Kodos continued speaking as the miniature MRI scanner went over his brain.

“ You are, and were not worthy. You may be a genius, but if you cannot write properly, and allow ridiculous ideas such as sentiment into your mind ; you are a waste of rations. It is only because I am bored that I am keeping you alive. I can study your brain when you are dead, you know”

Kirk gasped out of the dream, his heart racing as tears dripped down his face. The awful paper had brought back memories that he had thought that he had repressed.

He stumbled out of the bed, his shivering form making his movements clumsy and odd.

He dressed himself, and sighing in relief that he didn’t have to engage with awkward small talk with his pleasant but distant roommate, he called Gaila over to write the assignment.

It was best that he got it over and done with before the memories became too much.

She arrived, with a wad of paper and an old ballpoint pen, and Jim began to talk.

It was nice having an eidetic memory, but it did suck that whilst his memory was overdeveloped, his literacy was seriously underdeveloped.But still, being able to remember conversations that happened eight years ago was helpful.

He let the words flow out of him, from speeches that Kodos himself had said to him, to the angry speeches and pep talks he had had to give the kids in the caves.

He tried to keep his voice slow and clear, so he was rather unsure as to why Gaila was staring at him oddly, as she finished the last sentence.

That was until he felt a drop of water slide from his nose onto his lip.  
Oh. 

He tried to make an excuse of some sort, but he kept on stuttering and stumbling over the words as he tried to shove the memories back into the black box in the corner of his mind.

She walked over to him, and softly brushed the tear off his face, murmuring softly in what he presumed was Orion.

Once the tears had stopped he went over to the kitchen and started getting out ingredients, something nice to get his mind off the topic.

As he measured out the flour with shaking hands, she spoke in clear Standard

“ I will not ask about it, but I believe that it was unfair that anyone should have to argue both sides of that argument”

He nodded, not trusting his voice until he coughed and said

“ Hey, do you… do you want to make brownies. I used to make them with my brother, but you will probably be a better cook than him”

Her face lit up, and he felt his heart warm. It was okay. He had two friends. He was baking brownies. No one was here to tell him about his father, his education or his past.

They spent the afternoon eating the batter and then eating the few cooked brownies that had survived.

He walked her home, not because she was indefensible or anything, but because he knew that she had been getting harassment from many people on campus, because of the racist stereotypes that Orion women had.

It had been a good day, all in all.

His roommate was apparently out for the full weekend, so he left his bedroom door open, and snuggled in to sleep at a more normal time of eleven o’clock, compared to the strange rule that his roommate had laid that he should be in bed by nine.

Despite the good day, the nightmare from the night before returned, with Kodos’ full face apparent and the frequent reminder that he was a good science specimen, and nothing more.There was the other fun addition of the time when Kodos had tried to force him to learn how to read. To make him “worthy”.

He shot out of bed, his heart pounding as he cold drops of sweat pour down his face, his chest felt too tight. Way too tight.

He panicked when he felt a hand grab his shoulder, and started struggling when he heard a deep, fatherly voice murmur

“ Come on, son, breathe. ’S okay, in and out. Relax.”

He tried, he really did, but as his lungs seemed to accept that there was air, his brain decided that it was done, he was exhausted.

He slumped back into the musty sofa, not stopping to wonder how he had ended up there and turned to face Pike.

Pike looked … different. He was wearing a button up shirt with jeans, his grey eyebrows furrowed down in concern, almost touching his eyelids.

He spoke

“Jim, your friends are worried about you. Reports from teacher show that McCoy is furiously protective about you, and whilst we get that your unorthodox entry, and your family history would make things difficult, I am baffled as to why you didn’t tell anyone about this problem. Cadet Gaila called me telling me that she was worried about you.”

He should have brushed it off. Normally he would have an excuse at the tip of his tongue, or something to hide the painful truth. But no, it was six o’clock on a Sunday morning and having just had a nightmare, his brain to mouth filter failed

“ Ratman’s assignment. I … I can’t write at all. And even if I could, no way would I defend the actions of a genocidal maniac who wanted me dead”

The words didn’t register in his own mind until he noticed the stricken look on Pikes face.

“ You can’t write.”  
“ Yeah”  
He responded, to exhausted to put up a front any longer after a year and a half of struggling  
,  
“ I mean, I can write my name down, and I can recognise my name and my families name on paper, but apparently exposure to radiation when I was born messed something up.”

Pike stared, at him and then spoke slowly

“ I came in when you were still sleepin’. You said some strange things Jim. One of them being “ I will try harder to learn, just give me more time” , Does that have anything to do with it.”

Jim gulped.

“ You’re off ethics for this term. Instead you come to my office and I teach you battle strategy. I want you and Cadet Gaila to write an acceptance and diversity speech, because she mentioned that she felt unsafe on campus.”

Hmm Jim thought. Gaila was another of Pike’s proteges. Cool.

“ And get yourself down to medical. Take a hypo to help you sleep, I can see your eyebags. Take care of yourself. You have all of Monday off lessons, but I want you to come in in the afternoon and then we can talk about ways around your … problem”

Pike stood up, stretching and closed the door behind him, leaving a pleased, yet bewildered Jim.

Perhaps getting help from others wasn’t so bad after all.

He managed to give a guy whose mother had had a stroke his paper, which got rid of the truthful but painful piece of writing, and for the first time in weeks he slept a full ten hours of peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I noticed that this story was getting a touch too angsty, so I may have added a bit of fluff. Yeah, this chapter is pretty much fluffy angst or angsty fluff (sounds like the name for a rabbit that bites).  
>  I am unsure whether to   
> 1\. Get pike to sort thinks out and continue with illiterate jim but with much more help  
> 2\. Add more stuff as to why Jim can't read or write  
> 3\. Have Jim announce his illiteracy publically ( accidentally or on purpose) and then write the aftermath  
>  Write in the comments what you think I should do. Thank you and God Bless


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so shocked at the amount of feedback that I have been getting. Thank you, lovely people. I decided to go down the Dad-Pike path, with a bit of Jim's back story to go with it. Yeah, this is getting more and more AU as I go along. Oops.  
>  This chapter doesn't have as much Gaila-Jim friendship, but I promise the next chapter will have tons of it. I will eventually make Bones more prominent, I hope.  
>  God Bless You All, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

He woke up on Monday, surprised at the sun streaming in through the window.  
It had been over a decade since he had woken up with the sun so bright on his face.

That hypo that Bones had given him had worked wonders. He blearily shuffled out of bed, unwilling to get out of his duvet cocoon. He was sleepy— not exhausted, not tired but sleepy — for the first time in years and he was going to relish the experience.

He eyed the cold mouldy coffee mugs that his roommate had left on the counter, stains beginning to form underneath. He cleaned them up, trying to gain some semblance of normality, even if this was a rather nice, yet confusing day. He cleaned the kitchen whilst sipping a steaming mug of milky coffee, adding sugar and grabbing an apple as the blood sugar reader on his wrist went off.

It was when he got a call from Pike that he remembered and realised what was going to happen.

He was going to have to tell Pike everything.

How he had survived school.Tarsus.The Experiments.How he had lived and done everything.

He threw on a jacket, ignoring his motorcycle, he did not need any more adrenaline right now.  
He walked, remembering the landmarks on the way to Pike’s office.

Oaktree. Turn Left.Big flashing blue sign.Go right.Go up bridge. Turn to look at restaurant with red chairs. Continue up to building with uniformed people. Go to second floor.  
It was a painful and tedious process, mapping out parts of a city, but otherwise he would get lost constantly.

He nervously stood outside the office, debating whether to knock, or to call Pike to tell him where he was, when the door swung open.

“Come in kid, this ain’t a court martial, loosen the collar”

He sat down, thankfully yanking at the button that was digging into his neck. 

He fiddled with his hands, the smells from the open window telling him that it was about to rain.The sounds of the shuttles whirring off to other cities with the flashing lights telling him about .. something exciting probably were rather intense. His brain was obviously trying to not think about… that he was going to have to talk about.

Stupid experiments.

Pike sat down, during two glasses of scotch. Pike handed the glass to him, which he gratefully accepted. Anything to get rid of these ridiculous nerves.

“I’m going ask you some questions. I get that these are personal, but if I’m going to be a good mentor, I have to know about these things. Okay?”

He swallowed, the words ringing clear through his head. He was going to have to open up completely to a man whom he had one spoken to four times. And one of those times he had been drunk, and another had been whilst he had been having a panic attack.

He downed the whole glass of scotch in one go, and look up to meet Pike’s eyes.

He chewed on his lip, like Jim had already said something and asked

“ Have you been completely illiterate all your life?”

Jim looked like a deer in the headlights. Pike had hit the nail right on the head. He sighed, and remembering his vow to be truthful he spoke

“ No, not completely. I could write basic words with difficulty when I was thirteen. I could do very basic reading, as in the same books that were given to toddlers but yes, at one point I was able to read and write.”

Pike nodded thoughtfully, like that was a normal answer. Like an unknown side effect of puberty was losing the ability to read.

“ What happened?”

Silence fell for a few moments. The only sounds were Jim’s knee bouncing against the table, and the soft pitter patter of the rain on the window.

He sighed. He had better just get it all out rather than suffer many questions. It was unfortunate that once he began speaking, he couldn’t seem to stop. Like a dam had burst open.

“ I was sent off planet. It was nice there, for a while. But then there was a … problem. Food went scarce. The guy in charge picked myself and another couple of kids who had good grades and started teaching us stuff.   
Weird stuff like strategy, battle planning, neurology, psychology.   
He found out about my problem… and a week later he began killing people… calling them unworthy.I was unworthy, as was anyone that wasn’t rich, powerful or smart.  
I grabbed as many kids as I could, and ran to some caves outside the city. But after a few months, food was running out so I had to keep sneaking into the city to get food.  
I was caught. He did a few experiments on my brain, apparently the way it worked frustrated him. He looked at my reactions to pain, my abilities., everything He did a few surgeries, and one of the side effects was the worsening of my reading. ”

He was proud at the cold detachment with which he had spoken with. Until he noticed that he had clenched the glass in his hand so hard that there was a long crack running through the side.

 

He stared of the window, the rain was hitting it with full force. There, he had told someone about what a freak he was. About how he was an experiment. About how he had ended up in the middle of a genocide by accident, and how he had been coward and how he didn’t even know if the kids were alive —

He was surprised when he felt someone tapping a hand on his face.

He blinked and looked into the grey eyes of Christopher Pike. The rain had somehow stopped.

“ For goodness sake son, I knew that it was something bad but I didn’t expect …that. I take it that’s is the first time you’ve told anyone?”

He nodded sullenly, feeling drained. Wasn’t opening up to someone meant to be cathartic?

“ Okay. First things first, I am going to apologise for not being an attentive mentor. I can see now that I need to meet you and Gaila more often. You are both going to come to my house every Sunday for lunch. Secondly, tomorrow we are going to go to Starfleet Offices after your lessons and we will see if we can get you diagnosed. This should help you in your classes. No more back alley prescriptions from McCoy.”

Jim stared, blushing. He had expected Pike to tell him to drop out, or at least tell him off for the fake prescriptions but … this was amazing. But then his heart plummeted, doubts clouding his mind.

But what if people caught wind of how much Pike was helping him. He could get suspended, and then even he did graduate people would think that it was only through Pike.  
He opened his mouth to protest when Pike walked over to him and clapping a hand on his shoulder muttered

“ For crying out loud son, I don’t know how your’e managed all these years. Just accept help. If you had a broken leg, you wouldn’t feel bad for using crutches, hmm. Then you shouldn’t feel bad about this okay. We will get you diagnosed, see if we can help you and see where we go from there.”  
He was surprised when Pike ruffled his hair, as if he was a small child, and then told him

“ Its getting late, you have a seven am class tomorrow, don’t you.See you tomorrow, Starfleet Medical Offices, at four pm — and don’t forget about Sunday!”

He walked out of the building, autopilot guiding him through the streets. He waved a hand at him roommate, whom was sending him a questioning look.

When he walked into his room, he found a box of brownies. Gaila had come round.  
He sent a comm, thanking her and asking to meet up after Combat Training. She agreed, asking if he could teach her how to bake more things.

Yeah, Jim Kirk’s life was finally looking up


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, to first things first. To all you sweet, sweet people writing comments and giving Kudos. I thnak you so so so much.  
>  Seriously, you people are awesome.  
> I'm sorry that this chapter hasn't got as much Pike-Jim bonding, but I am going to do tons of it in the next chapter.  
>  This chapter is pretty fluffy. I kind of ran away with the Jim Gaila Friendship plot bunny so yeah.  
>  Anyways, I hope you enjoy. God Bless :)

The next day he went through his classes as normal. 

It was a relief to not have to go to Ethics 307 , and it was a miracle that Pike had managed a way for him to do his course work through his PaDD. All he had to do was read out loud, and the PaDD would write it down.

Then he arrived to the Combat Training Room — this was one of his favourite lessons. No writing. No snobbishness. Just pure practice, training and adrenaline.

Plus he had Gaila in this class, which was an epic bonus. He saw her in the corner, muscles tensing under emerald skin as she took down her opponent.

He stretched, ignoring the questioning looks from his… class mates, and prepared to be paired up with someone. He wasn’t one for violence, no, not really. But he might have a slight addiction to adrenaline.

“ Cadet Sulu” shouted the teacher, “ You will be paired with Cadet Kirk this lesson”

Great, an upperclassman. This meant that he had more training than Jim, and probably knew more tricks. Oh well, at least he would learn something, even if he did end up with bruises.  
The man advanced, looking at Jim through his floppy black hair, which was falling onto his face.  
Then, he charged.

Jim, was unprepared for the man’s enthusiasm, but he momentarily relaxed when he saw that the guy was smiling. Seemed as if he wasn’t the only adrenaline junkie here.

The moment of relaxation was brief however, when he realised that the guy was charging straight at him.

So he fought. It was a bit of a haze, really. He just remembered telling himself to go gentle, and try not to break anything. He had plenty of practice fighting from the exercise regime he had begun when he was 17, and obviously from the occasional bar fight.

When he had Sulu on the floor, he was surprised to see that the entire class was staring at him. 

He wondered if he had broken a rule, when he heard Sulu chuckling, and saw the proud, if shocked faces of Gaila and Professor Frantis.

He pulled Sulu up and was about to walk off to grab some water, when he saw a Professor, a Vulcan staring at him, in what he could only call bewilderment.

Never mind, he liked shocking people, not just because seeing then gape like fishes was amusing, but it also taught them not to judge a book by its cover.

He drank the water, and turned to see an interesting scene,

First off, the Professor looked uncomfortable and frustrated, as if the students were begging for something he did not want to give.

The professor reluctantly muttered and Jim watched the scene unfold with horror.

It was Hendorff versus Gaila.

Gaila looked like a trapped animal, and he looked strangely predatory.

Gaila was usually up for fights, which indicated just how uncomfortable she was. This was not a fair fight. If this even was a fight.

He stepped in

“ Hey, how about I have a go against Hendorff first. Winner gets to spar Gaila, yeah?”

The group of students murmured, Gaila shot Jim a grateful look.

Hendorff looked at him with anger, but not recognition. Good.

That meant that he had forgotten that he had beaten him, and his three buddies up whilst drunk.  
The fight was over pathetically fast. Hendorff depended too much upon brute strength, and force and was too slow and quite unskilled compared to Jim.

The crowd went back to their places disappointed as the bell rang.

He went over to Gaila, and she turned to speak to him. Her voice still trembling slightly, her smooth Orion accent strengthened as words tumbled out of her mouth:

“ Thank you so much. Usually I can get them to leave me alone, but in lessons they can get away with pretty much anything. I can deal with cat-calling but … having them up close and personal is just way too much”

Jim frowned, this was ridiculous! This was the 23rd century, surely a woman could go places without harassment! Cheesy pick up lines was one thing, but catcalling and invading someone’s personal space…

“ You should talk to Pike about it. See if we can get them punished, or give you some security.   
Until then, If you want, I can walk with you around campus. People will assume that we are dating, and will hopefully leave you alone”

Gaila nodded, then paused, pulling a recipe out of her bag.

“ I like this Earth “baking” thing. I don’t know how to cook, but if you could please show me because I like the taste. I hear you have no lessons this afternoon.”

Jim winced at the recipe. She had forgotten about his illiteracy. Great.

He took it and folded it into his hand. There were way too many people around for him to tell her without someone hearing.

He spoke

“ So what made you choose this recipe?” he asked, hoping she would give him some clues at to what she wanted to make

“ I heard that cho-co-late chips cookies were a common baking food. My roommate mentioned them the other day. I have the ingredients at the hose, but I wanted to bake with you.”

They walked to her room, her roommate apparently absent.

Jim choked back a laugh at the extensive array of ingredients.  
There were white, milk and dark chocolate chips, three different types of flours and two types of butter.  
He pondered making dark chocolate chip cookies, but then he remembered the last time he had made those cookies.  
It had been with Aunt Daisy and his cousins Francis and Amelia.   
On Tarsus 4. 

He stared out of the window, pushing the memory back down and took a deep breath before looking at the ingredients again.

He pushed the dark chocolate chips, the white chocolate chips, the … goat butter? ( he wasn’t sure but it definitely was not normal butter), the brown flour and the chia seeds to the side. He pulled out a stick of, eggs, sugar and baking soda ( he had had to taste the gross powder just to check) from the cabinet, which was filled with a strange amount of baking products.

 

He asked Gaila to measure out the ingredients, as he prepared the cooker and turned on some music.

They took turns shaping the cookies, as they danced to the music.  
On the tray were two starships, a moon, a star all made by Gaila ( it became apparent that she was an expert artist) and a few unidentifiable blobs my Kirk.

As they munched on raw cookie dough, Gaila giggling as she tried to get flour out of Jim’s hair, she began to talk.

“ I know I don’t understand much about Terran culture, and because of it some people think me naive, but I like that you don’t think me dumb. On my planet we don’t cook food much because it is always so hot, so we eat many foods raw, that is why most of my clothes are so thin. I did not know that Each was so cold.   
We do not have any of the …. my roommate told me the word … misogyny… but unfortunately we do have slavery. Thank you for helping me understand this strange world Jim Kirk”

Jim smiled, but then taking in what she had said, scowled

“ You shouldn’t have to learn about or culture this way. Misogyny shouldn’t even exist, let alone racism. We have spent decades trying to stop alien discrimination, and centuries trying to stop sexism.  
And you should have some classes about Terran life, like the atmospheric conditions, the food and the rest. I’ve seen your scores Gaila, you are in the top ten of all your classes. It isn’t fair that people are rude just because you don’t understand our culture within two years.”

She smiled and nodded, then jumped up to get the cookies as the timer went off.  
He marvelled as she pulled the tray out of the burning oven with her bare hands. Orion skin was incredibly heat resistant.

She munched on the cookies, and whilst Kirk waited for them to cool down, she told him about her subjects.

She was talking a full Technology course, designing holograms, and testing the technology, whilst she took a minors in Art and Social Anthropology. She was ridiculously intelligent.

He grabbed a cookie when the beeper on his PaDD went off. He had to meet Pike.

He got up, cleared up the mess he had made, thanked Gaila for the cookies and used his landmark system to make his way to Starfleet Medical Building.

He arrived to an office, and was surprised when Pike and Bones turned around.

He supposed that it was good that Bones had already known.

Bones stared down at him and was a bout to speak when Pike went up to him, a solemn expression on his face.

When Pike spoke, his stomach plummeted to the bottom of his shoes, his hands went clammy and he had to keep himself from running

“ I’m sorry son. To be sure what the issue is, we are going to have to do an MRI scan. This is to check for chemical imbalances and also physical problems just to be ….”

Pike continued talking but Jim wasn’t listening.

He was going to have to go into one of those machines again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is a trigger warning.   
> Um, I tried to desribe a panic attack. I have no clue as to how accurate it is, i am just going off other peoples descriptions and a few articles. Sorry if it is innacurate. And sorry for any typos, as I kind of don't know how to touch type.
> 
> Apart from that, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I have tried to add some big-brother Bones and Dad-Pike.
> 
> Thank you to you lovely people who have commented, especially those which helped me find out what Jim's "illiteracy" was called.   
>  You are all absolute angels.  
>  God Bless You All :)

He tried to speak, but it was as if his tongue had been glued to the roof of his mouth, his heart beat so fast it felt like it was going to snap all of his ribs in an attempt to escape. He could hear someone speaking, but it was like they were very far away. 

He was all alone and he was terrified, and he hadn’t had one of these in ages, and he didn’t know what was going on and -

He felt someone get closer to him and then felt a soft prick touch the side of his neck.  
He was suddenly sent spiralling into darkness, the last thing he felt was some soft hands grabbing his shoulders before he felt nothing.

 

Christopher Pike was not one to regret his actions. When he did things, he did them with a purpose. However he couldn’t ignore the guilt welling in his gut as he watched the pale, unconscious face of Jim Kirk.

This was a necessary thing. Yes. He had to be sedated, not only to stop the extreme panic attack, but also for the examination to work.

He mulled over his thoughts for a second, then stood up and went to McCoy, who was preparing the scanners.

“ Look, I know we’re here to check for Alexia, and Dyslexia, but can you also check for signs of Post Traumatic Stress? It’d be better to get it all out of the way.”

McCoy looked as if he wanted to ask something, but seeing Pike’s stern face, he decided against it. He had to help his friend.

The scans took fifteen minutes in total, McCoy and the neurologists were muttering excitedly at the results.  
He sat by Jim’s bed, expecting an angry, if sleepy, rant from him when he woke up.   
He was surprised when Jim looked up at him blearily, bright blue eyes lightly glazed over from the sedative.

“ Heyyy ….. you drugged me…. rude…”

Jim slurred, his lips curling into a sloppy pout.

“ S’okay. ‘ get why ya did it ...... Dad. ’s it ‘kay if I call ya dad. Cuz you ‘re like the closest thin’ so far. Prolly won’t remember this when I get off the meds… hmmm… I feel floaty. Real floaty...”

He mumbled a few unidentifiable words until his eyes fluttered shut.  
Pike sat there, unable to ignore the lump in his throat. The kid viewed him as a father. The child of George Kirk, hero and genius viewed him, Christopher Pike, as a father figure.

He watched Jim’s peaceful face, trying not to think as to how to react to Jim’s confession. Should he mention it? Should he forget it? Should he bring it up as a joke?

McCoy walked in, checked all of Jim’s vitals and then turned to Pike

“ Alexia is definitely there, there had certainly been some trauma to the brain. It is nothing like i’ve ever seen before. You were also right with the PTSD. But I must admit, Sir, Jim’s brain is fascinating.   
The way it works around the Alexia is amazing. It is as if the parts of the brain that stopped functioning in the reading area, went to help the other areas. For example, his sensorial, and his memory parts of his brain are incredibly overdeveloped -“

“ Bones, don’t talk about my brain like that. Its creepy”

They both turned to see some sleepy, if annoyed eyes glaring at both of them.

“ I understand why you did it, but I am so not okay with you drugging me.”

Both men hung their heads, shame colouring their cheeks.

“ Now, what is this Alexia thing, I had an inkling that I had PTSD, but I had no clue that my weird brain had a name.”

McCoy calmly explained the treatment options.  
He could go through pattern recognition therapy.Having words read out to him, then the individual letters shown.  
Jim tried not to sigh. More work.  
Then McCoy handed him a prescription. Paroxetine pills. (1)

“ Would also recommend you talk to someone about it. I don’t care who, but it has to be someone you trust, and someone who is trained to deal with this kind of stuff. Pretty much any medical professional at Starfleet, and Senior Officers are trained, so you have tons of options.”

He nodded, and took the prescription.

He convinced Bones to discharge him once the sedative burned out and, once he could he walked out of the building.  
He calmly walked along the streets, observing the lights and the people, occasionally glancing at signs to check where he was.

It wasn’t hard for him to wrap his head around the PTSD or the Alexia, no, that made sense.  
It was the way that people were helping that was strange. There had been no pity, no condescension, no change in behaviour from Bones or Pike.

He blushed as he unexpectedly remembered what he had said to Pike. Goodness. That was embarrassing.

But Pike hadn’t acted weird. Pike had been nice about it. Which meant that Pike was cool about being his pseudo-dad. Awesome.

He sat down in an obscure coffee shop. It was clearly trying to emulate the hipster style of the 21st century, with ancient bicycle wheels stuck to the walls, and artificial wood paneling on the floor.  
He drank his coffee, and came to an epiphany so quickly, that he choked and spluttered, startling the Andorians in the tape next to him.

He had a family.

Not by joined by blood, no.

But Gaila, was like a little sister, helpful and kind. Pike was definitely his Dad, 100%, and Bones , Bones was like a much older brother.

He tried not to ponder the absurdity of the situation. He had just been diagnosed with two medical problems, and here he was, grinning like a fool.

But, maybe, it was the fact that he knew that there were people willing to help him, that was the reason why he was so happy.

He didn’t have to carry these burdens alone.

Sure, the illitera- Alexia would still be a daily struggle. And the PTSD would also be a difficulty. There would be bad days.   
But they would get better. He had a family behind him. He could get treatment now that he had been diagnosed.  
It wasn’t going to be perfect, no.

But it would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 . This is a modern medication for PTSD. Again, I have no clue what I am doing here apart from doing some research.  
> Maybe if there was less stigma about mental health and neurodiversity it would be easier to research these topics. Hmm :(.
> 
> If you have any advice, I would be very grateful. Thank you for reading and I am sorry that this chapter is kind of short.
> 
>  
> 
> God Bless You :) <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. I really really am. I haven't updated in like, a week. Sorry.  
>  This chapter is kind of short because, well, I got writers block. It gets better. I have no clue what I am doing so any ideas would be very, very much appreciated.  
>  I love you all, thank you for reading, and God Bless.

Jim was not panicking. The fact that he had unbuttoned and re-buttoned his shirt four times meant nothing. He was just trying to look smart. He was definitely not nervous, despite the way that he was constantly asking his PaDD to give him the time.

He walked out of his small flat, and went towards Pike’s apartment. He tried to think about what to say, and how to speak, and if he really knew how to use cutlery properly, as he passed the blue signs, and the large artificial trees.

He cringed as he arrived at the door. Gaila was there already, which meant that he was late, and that he wasn’t on time and -  
The door slid open, to reveal a cheerful Captain, which smiled at him and practically dragged him into the dining room.

The table was set, Gaila was sitting by the furnace oven, staring intently at the quickly browning bread. Pike’s eyes kept flickering towards him, and he realised that he was standing in the middle of the kitchen, openly gaping.

His jaw snapped shut as he wandered over to him, asking if he could do anything to help. Not just because he like being helpful, but because it suddenly occurred to him that he had never been in a situation like this before.

Sure, he had had dinners with Bones, slurping noodles over PaDDs before exams, and he had taken girls out on dates before, but he had never been to this type of dinner.

It was informal, yes, Pike’s bright green jumper ensured that, but he still wanted to impress, but not with his grades or looks or “charm”. He breathed a sigh of relief when the replicator spluttered.  
Pike bewilderedly stared at it, as Gaila merely glanced at it before resuming her intense staring contest with the oven.  
Jim stepped forwards and analysed the replicator. Smoke was coming out,— wait, no it wasn’t smoke, it was steam. He reached into the box, and opening the hatch, found that the water had bubbled over, wetting a slightly old wire, causing the break down. He quickly adjusted the settings, pulled out some plastic covering from one of the drawers nd fixed it.

He then realised that the replicator, though new, had not had its taste analysers adjusted. 

Technically he wasn’t supposed to have a replicator, but as he knew how to make one, a few week ends at the scrap yard had resulted in an advanced replicator in the corner of his room. He knew how to change flavours, get hot and cold food, and also replicate full dishes.

He tapped into the mainframe, and quietly hacked into it, making sure that crispy foods were extra crispy, crunch foods were extra crunchy and ensured that certain foods were replicated at certain temperatures.   
Replicators were easy to handle. Numbers ending with 055678 meant that they adjusted texture, whilst numbers ending with 055679 adjusted taste, and so on.  
He shut the hatch, and saved the adjustments, to see both Pike and Gaila staring at him.  
“Um…. lets see if it works?”  
He muttered, hoping that he had indeed fixed it.

Pike looked at him curiously, tapping in the instructions for some type of food. The machine quietly whirred, before some roasted potatoes materialised in the dish below.  
Pike reached out, and took one, signalling for Jim and Gaila to do the same, before his eyes widened in surprise, as he chewed on the potato, his Multi-Utensil reaching for another one.

“Jim, I have no clue what you just did, but you could make a fortune fixing replicators. This tastes like real actual food! Home made food! “

Gaila hummed in agreement, thoughtfully munching down on it, before taking picture of herself with the potato, and sending it to her friends.

After the bright blush on Jim’s cheeks went down, they all went and sat at the table, Pike serving them both.

For a split second, Jim wondered if he should ask Pike if he could call him Dad, but as the thought crossed his mind, he felt the blood drain out of his face, as he quickly ate some roasted plenteran, anything to avoid the thought.

Sure, Pike was practically his dad in many ways, but he wasn’t quite sure how Pike would react to the sentiment when he wasn’t drugged to his gills.

Gaila happily chattered about her classes, and about how she was being put in advanced Technology, with fourth year students, even though she was only a third year. Jim watched as Pike puffed up like a proud mother, and tried not to think as to how Pike would react when he found out that Gaila was going to be the first Orion to work in Technological and International Relations.

Pike would probably burst with pride.

Pike stared at him for a while, and tilted his head, asking for permission to speak about … it infant of Gaila.

Jim nodded, and tried not to gulp as Pike spoke up.

“ How have lessons been this week. I know that Ratman isn’t your teacher anymore, but I also know that he wasn’t the only teacher giving you grief.”

Gaila’s orange eyes flickered up.

“ It hasn’t been that bad…. Kellentr’she let me record her lecture once I explained it to her, the head of Ethics has given me alternative classes so I don’t have to review genocides … yeah, most Professors have given me apologies after I told them about the diagnosis so um —“

“ What diagnosis?” asked Gaila, the ends of her hair curling with curiosity  
“ I …. I have Alexia, which basically means that I can’t read words.”

He expected questions, or accusations , or at least some judgement. He loved Gaila like a sister, but he knew that Orion brains practically never had any problems, and that neurodiversity was a strange thing to them.

“ Ohh…. that makes sense. If you need help just ask please, Jim Kirk. So how did you make this garlicked bread, Sir”

 

Jim grinned, his family was okay with it. Bones was cool about it, patiently writing forms to help him out, and reminding him take his prescriptions, Pike was amazing, talking to teachers and encouraging him to tell people and get help, and now Gaila was accepting and was willing to help.

His family was ready to help him, and he could take over the world.

Now all he had to do now was to prepare to take that Kobayashi Maru.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, so here, I gave Jim something to do. Hopefully I will eventually build up to the actual movie.  
>  Any ideas, tips, help ANYTHING would be very much appreciated.
> 
> I love you all, thank you for reading, and God Bless!:)

To say that he was frustrated would be an understatement.

Not only did he fail the stupid test, but he also knew why he had failed, and was pretty mad about it.

He had studied for a full week, which may not seem like much, but with the extra classes he was taking to graduate a year early, he was truly working over time

It hadn’t mattered, thought because whomever had designed the thing had not factored in the possibility that some people can’t actually read.

Sure, answering the Klingon ship had been a breeze, and sending people to do tasks in engineering, security and weaponry, well, it had been childs play,

Well, the Klingon ship had used an unnecessary amount of missiles, and the “warp core malfunction” was blatantly annoying, but the true annoyance was in the information sent.

How was he supposed to respond to a message from the doomed ship, if he couldn’t even understand what the squiggles were saying!

He had tried to do things smoothly, asking communications to sort it out under the guise that he “ Had to focus on the use of weaponry”; but a lot of time had been wasted on him trying to figure out what to do. And there was the slight fact that most of his Communications team glared at him for the rest of the simulation.

After the test he ran out, not knowing where he was going. He had to get away. Anything to block out the nagging thought at the back of his head.

How could he Captain a ship if he couldn’t even read?

He stopped abruptly, his adrenaline fading, his legs aching, and realised three things.

Firstly, he needed to sit down before he passed out. His heart was beating so fast it hurt, and he   
was struggling to breathe.

Secondly, he had been running for a really, really long time, his shaking hands and difficulty to concentrate assured him of that.

And thirdly, he had no idea where he was.

There were no familiar signs, no trees of flashing lights. Nothing.

He was in a park of some sort, artificial grass scratched his legs, as a rather concerned looking family walked past him with their dog.

He didn’t know of any parks near the Academy.

He gulped in some air, as he gracelessly flopped to the ground, the cold dew sinking into his clothes as he shivered.

But hey, at least now he was to tired to think about how his entire future was in shambles.

He wasn’t quite sure how long he sat there, waiting for his breathing to even out, and for his hands to stop trembling, but the fact that the blue sky had been swapped for a reddish-orange sunset was slightly worrying.

He was a mess.

He was about to stand up, hoping that he had the energy to get himself to hie flat, or at least ask someone for directions back to the Academy, when he felt someone grab his shoulders.

“ For goodness sake Jim! How long have you been here, hmm? Jim? Jim, answer me! I’m a doctor, not a mind reader, tell me whats wrong! Well, aside from the fact that you’re hypoglycaemic, exhausted and possible in shock…. Jim, come on!”

“ I can’t do it. I can’t be a Captain.”

He slurred out, hoping that Bones would understand. He tried to glare as he ran a tri-corder over him, muttering to himself about reckless, cornfed idiots.

“ What…. hang on Jim, come here…”

He felt rough hands drag him upwards, and hold him steady as the world spun and flashed before his eyes.   
He felt himself being pulled… somewhere. His eyes wouldn’t focus, and he just wanted to sleep, so it was a relief when he was put down on …something.

Someone tapped his cheek…. Bones, tapped his cheek. He opened his eyes, as he felt a hypospray jab into his neck. The dizziness faded as he looked up to see a very concerned McCoy.

“Look kid, right now, you’re a mess. I know that you had the ‘Maru today, and I know you hate losing, but you gotta look after yourself. I’ve called a cab, and we’ll talk in the morning. I’ve just given you a shot of glucose, but we’re orderin’ some pizza, and some plomeek soup to get you’re sugar levels up.’

He felt the urge to protest, he vaguely realised that Bones’ tone was similar to the one he had used when Joanna had scraped her knee, but he was just too tired to care. He knew he had done something ridiculously stupid, but he just wasn’t 100% sure what it was.

The night passed in a blur of dozing, chewing, slurping and sleeping. He felt concerned eyes on him the whole time, and at one point heard Bones talk to someone, but he just ignored it.

The next morning he woke up, a violent headache pounding through his skull as he viscously glared at the dim light.

It was quite early, 5;30 in the morning, but considering he had gone to sleep at…. before the moon was up… then this was the longest sleep he had had in ages.

He stumbled off the … couch? and looked around the apartment to try and figure out where he was.

It took a few minutes until the events of the day before slammed into his brain, his cheeks turning a violent red as he recalled his failure, his stupidity and his concerns.

He couldn’t be a Captain. He just couldn’t! How was he supposed to sign forms, and read reports infant of a whole bridge of geniuses without the ability to read?!

Before the true panic could set in, Bones shuffled in, a mug of coffee in his hands, as he glared at Jim

“ So, you wanna tell me why I found you exhausted, catatonic and hypoglycaemic in San Fransico Memorial Park at eight o’clock in the evening? I’m guessing you were an idiot and decided to run the full 20km and-“

“ I failed the ‘Maru. Not just because the Klingon ship was full of missiles, and we were understaffed, but Bones, I lost a ton of points because I relayed the messages to the Comms team. Bones, I can’t be a Captain if I can’t even read. Up there, I can’t ask Pike to help me out. I can’t even read reports Bones….. I… I don’t know what to do”

Bones stared at him, then gently ordered him to eat some breakfast. Jim felt like a robot. He ate the bland tasteless plomeek soup, thanked Bones and went to his classes. 

He recorded lectures, answered questions when asked, and did everything, but it just felt … boring. 

There was no fun in the debate class, he just argued his case with the facts he had, and went on his way. In sparring class, there was no thrill in the fight, he just wanted to get it over and done with.

He wondered if he should drop out. He loved the family he had here with his Da-Pike, Gaila and Bones, but what was the point of being in the Academy if he couldn’t be a Captain, or even a Command Officer.

He arrived to his apartment, and after committing his lectures to memory, he was about to watch a movie, when his PaDD bleeped out a message.  
"  
It was an invitation to have a call with his Mother. His mother, whom was ”apparently” not dead

His life was strange.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk gets a call from is dead mother. Pike fixes things.
> 
> Its all very angsty and very sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please, please, please comment below any criticism, tips ideas or general feedback.
> 
> I love you all, thank you for reading and God Bless

He stared at the flashing screen, wondering why on Earth this was happening. His mother was dead, wasn’t she?

He hadn’t commmed is Mother, since his 12th birthday, let alone have a face to face conversation with her.

He wondered what his mother looked like now, if this was actually his mom. Had her hair gone grey? Did she have wrinkles? 

The bleeping of the screen brought him back to focus.

He tentatively pressed the green button, and the screen flashed.

A woman was there, grey eyes staring at him wide eyed. She tucked a loose strand of hair into her formal grey bun, her bright red engineering uniform making her look pale.

If he hadn’t known that this was his mother, he wouldn’t have recognised her.

“ Hello, James”  
She said, finally. He hadn’t had anyone call him James in over a decade. This was unnerving.

“ Hey… Mom, how are you?” He was proud that he managed to keep the nervous tremor out of his voice.

“ Why are you in Starfleet Academy uniform, James. Don’t tell me you want to become an Officer”. 

He had almost forgotten about her grudge with Starfleet. He had also forgotten that, in the two years that he had been a Cadet, he may have not told her that he enrolled. 

He wanted to ask how, she was, you know, alive, but he decided to shut his mouth, and answer.

“ I’m in Command Track, ma’am. Have been for two years.”

He felt a bit smug, telling her that. She had been the one to dismiss the teacher who had told both herself and Frank that he had above average intelligence. Too bad she had also dismissed the teacher that had asked if he could be tested for dyslexia.

Her mouth dropped open, a mixture of shock and infuriation colouring her grey and wrinkled feature.

“ Now listen here. As your mother, I forbade both you and your brother from taking the entry tests —“

“ I didn’t take the entry tests. They let me in based on my degrees, my aptitude tests and my psych profile. And besides, since your “death” you have had no legal claim to me!”

He felt a bit guilty, he knew he should respect his mother. But to come in telling him what he should and shouldn’t do, eleven years after their last proper conversation, that crossed a line.

Besides, she looked quite funny, gaping at him wordlessly.

“ Look, as your mother, I have your best interests in mind. Starfleet is dangerous, and will manipulate you. I don’t know how they let you in. Frank told me you dropped out of high school aged sixteen, and to be honest we both know that the schools in Iowa are not the best.”

Jim didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know about Tarsus. She was still with Frank. She knew nothing about him.  
Before he could stop it, a slightly hysterical laugh bubbled out of him.

“ Mom, I was sent off planet when I was thirteen. I didn’t come back until two and a half years ago. You can look through my interplanetary pass. And, if Starfleet is so manipulative, why did you fake your death for them? I had to light a stupid candle in remembrance of you!”

She glared, light grey eyes flashing an obsidian black as she growled.

“ There were things I had to do. I did them for the greater good. Stop being so selfish! I did what was right, I came close to finding Nero! But…. I made a mistake, the operation failed. And then I get the news that you are thinking of dropping out of Starfleet! You aren’t even supposed to be in Starfleet—”

Her self-righteous, rant of fury continued, but Jim wasn’t listening.

Pike.

Pike must have told her. Pike knew. Pike had watched him drink on the anniversary of his mother’s “death”. Pike had been the one to call her.

“ I am going to graduate. I am going to be a Captain. And nothing you can say or do will ever stop me. You are not my mother, Lieutenant Kirk. You stopped being my mother when you left the house when I was six. Good bye. Congratulations on the fact that you are not dead.”

What had started off as a series of statements had blown into a furious proclamation. He pressed the red button, shutting the call off and lay down on his bed.

 

He would take the Maru again. He would overcome his Alexia. He would graduate, a full year early, on the honours roll, with top grades. He would have Bones as his CMO, Gaila as his Tech Specialist and Pike— Pike.

He didn’t know what to think about Pike.Pike was like a father to him. Without Pike he wouldn’t be in the Academy, he wouldn’t be getting help with his Alexia, and he wouldn’t be so determined so graduate now.  
But Pike had known. It might not have changed anything, but it would have been nice to know that his mother was alive.

Even if she had been an awful mother.

And she still didn’t know about Frank, or Tarsus or his illiteracy.

But still.

He rubbed his hands over his face, scrubbing his eyes in frustration.

He ordered his PaDD to call Pike, hoping that Pike would make everything right again.

“ Hey, son.  
I get that your’e probably mad at me right now, but I just got the news and thought that you should know. I take it it wasn’t the most fun call ever, was it kid?”

On one hand, Jim was happy. His dad hadn’t deceived him, and he was just looking out for him. On the other hand, Starfleet had known for years, and they hadn’t cared to tell him, even though he was her son.

“ Look, your friend, McCoy combed me this morning, saying something about you not being given a fair test, and you being a mess. I’ll sort it out so you can take the Kobayashi Maru again, with audio controls, m’kay. How do you think we do things when Tralkations needed to use the facilities last year? Jim, you listening?”

“ Thanks, that’s really helpful, but um, Pike…. how am I supposed to work on a Starship if I can’t read. To work in Command, I gotta use the screens. I don’t know if there would be a way.”

He rambled it out, slightly desperatly.

Pike frowned, carding his hand through his grey hair, and leaned forward, his face getting closer to the PaDD

“ We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it okay, kiddo. Just do the best you can, and if any modifications need to be made, any implants or whatever, we can get it done. I must go now, but look after yourself , son. By bye now.”

He refrained from throwing his PaDD across the room, and discontentedly flopped onto his bed.

He sulked, a childish pout colouring his featured, until he remembered.

He could still become a Captain.

Once he got over a few things, he would be Captain Jim Kirk, famous space Captain, saviour of the Universe and best Captain ever.

And nothing, absolutely nothing was going to stop his ambitious plans


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The film begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY
> 
> I am so so sorry about the long hiatus. I didn't know what to write, so I just began the movie in this verse.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry for any inconsistencies, and I really, really hope you like it. I willtry to update soon. I love you all, so sorry for the wait, and God Bless.

He was going to take the Kobayashi Maru for a third time.

The first time… hadn’t gone well. Sure, it had broken records. Apparently, no-one had evaded fire for that long before.

But once the first missile hit the ship, screams of crew members quickly became the screams of starving children. He had managed to hide the panic, evidently, as he had rewatched that video many times, but he had also managed to get Pike, Bones and Gaila all in his room, looking at him worriedly, handing him old music records, jabbing him with anti-anxiety hyposprays and offering him ambiguous baked goods respectively.

The second time had gotten better than the first, despite how catastrophic it had been. Sure, the panic attack at the realisation that his alexia would impede, if not lessen his chances of being a starship Captain was, bad.

But he had, after listening to rather gruesome heavy-metal music and watching old war-films, desensitised himself enough to screams that he didn’t smell burning flesh.

This time, he was equipped.

Jim was better. He had spoken to Gaila, and told her about how the ‘Maru worked.

Logic dictated that the person would always lose. It was clearly of Vulcan design, the symbols and images having that almost robotic look, mixed with undertones of ruthlessness and efficiency.

Jim thought that who ever had designed it, really deserved to be stuck on a ship with the most annoying and infuriating people that had ever existed.

The principle of accepting faliure seemed just as foreign to him, as the abstract squiggles and boxed that made up a book. No matter how hard he tried, he just ended up with a headache, frustrated and with Gaila inviting him to let her beat him up in the gym. That was never good.

He had quickly learnt that Orion women were twice as strong as male Vulcans. He wasn’t sure who had been more surprised when Galia had once initiated the fight with a fist to his arm, and it had just popped out of his socket. 

  But no matter a person's strength, or lack of thereof, they should never give up.

Why would accepting failure be a good principle?

Since when was fatalism part of Starfleet Academy’s values?

If he had accepted faliure, he would have let Frank kill him, instead of fighting back.

If at ten years old, he had accepted his fate, he would have gone over that cliff.

If he had given up on the scorching deserts of Tarsus IV, he and the other kids would have died.

Giving up should never be an option, no matter the circumstances.

* * *

 

Jim walked to Gaila’s room, **blue sign** , **green arrow** , **bedroom with broken handle** , **left** , **door with red sign**.

The door swung open. She smiled at him, pulling him into a kiss, her red lipstick coating his mouth as he kissed her back.

Gulping for air, green gums flashed at him as she laughed, shutting the door behind him.

“What’ve you got for me, Jimmy?”

“ We’re doing it today. We’re going to get rid of this ridiculous idea of failure.”

‘Okay Jimmy, I’ll set up the computer and get through the wordy programs, there are doughnuts on the table.’

He munched on the doughnuts, making sure to leave at least five for her roommate.

Uhura was a formidable woman, arguing with him on Tellarite debates. She also happened to hate his guts, and he just sort of fueled the fire by flirting with her.

But to be honest, he wanted to prove his intelligence. He couldn’t be suspected of illiteracy if he was a polyglot.

“Done Jimmy. Here you go”

Okay, numbers. He had gotten better with numbers, learning of their arabic origins had helped him. It wasn’t all just muscle memory and trial and error.

He tapped the keys, knowing that his fingers would do what his brain couldn’t. He spent an hour there, digging through programs, cracking through firewalls, Gaila working on some exam which he, frankly, didn’t even try to comprehend. His girlfriend was crazy smart.

“Done” “Jimmy… you sure you can’t stay over?”

“ Gaila, you know I’ll always be available for you.”

“My room-mate’s out for the night”

“ I’ll call Bones. Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

They relaxed.

* * *

 

There was no pretending here.

Gaila wore her traditional garments, from home. What looked like a lacy bra, panties and sheer dress actually held tribal symbols, the different symbols meaning different attributes that the clan-member had.

As Gaila had been stolen from her clan, Pike and Jim had spent hours reading ( or listening) to Padds which described the whole process.

Pike had even gone to Orionica to get the special silk-like material made from the sap of the planet’s crust.

Gaila looked beautiful.

Lifting weights with her left arm as she plucked some re’tlllian delicacy, which tasted vaguely like the Latin-American guava filled breads, from the dish.

Jim was curled up beside her, comfy sweats and a baggy grey t-shirt donned, his blonde hair ruffled, sticking up like that of a duckling that has just come out of water, as they watched some old movie.

   There was peace, for the two people with the most chaos in their lives. No one jeering that the couple. No offensive comments about Jim's dad, or Gaila's heritage.

Gaila didn't have to pretent to be completely cooking-blind so that the men wouldn't jeer at her "femininity", or that the women would pity her for her "opressive culture". Jim didn't have to act like he was looking at his Padd to avoid rumours of laziness, cheating or " family bias."

 

  They could be them. Not Orion-Girl-ShortClothes-Extrovert, not Kirk-Flirt-Smart-Dad-; Just Jimmy and Gaila. A twenty one year old human, curled up with his twenty two year old girlfriend

By ten-o’clock they were pressed up against each other.

Gaila asked.

Jim responded agreeingly.

* * *

 

 

The next morning, they were awoken by the sound of a door cracking open.

He ducked under the bed, glad that he had taken the pills last night, the darkness and the fear of being found bringing up too many memories.

Thankfully, instead of curling up into a ball and screaming, all he could do was try and get the musty carpet to muffle the faint sound of hyperventilation.

It didn’t work, and he had to put his “Jim Kirk” mask on.

Gaila frowned as he did it, but he had to.

Jimmy was not Jim Kirk.

Only Gaila, Bones and Pike could see Jimmy. Perhaps any Tarsus IV survivors could see him, but he had no way of contacting them.

He had no idea how many had survived,

“Well, bye Gaila, Love you.”

* * *

 

He ran to his dorm, and had a quick sonic shower, practically jumping into the red cadet uniform.

He snatched an apple as he sped out of his room, ready to win.

The apple would just be there as a precaution. Knowing that food is available works surprisingly well to prevent flashbacks to a famine, it turns out.

His and Gaila's worked marvellously.

Jim went through the motions, when finally, finally it had happened.

  That moment of staring at the cameras, asking them what was going on, playing dumb. It felt glorious, the adrenaline filled euphoria cuorsing through his bloodstream as he bit down on the apple, the flashes and bangs of merely seconds ago fading, the panic and stress receding as the cameras, somwehat reluctantly, switched off.

He had won He munched on the sweet apple, relishing at Bones’ quiet but smug chuckling, the astonished faces of his crew members and Uhura’s scowl.

Victory tasted sweet, and he wasn’t saying that just because of the apple in his mouth.

For once in his life, victory had been won without chaos, death, broken bones or hospital stays.

For once, it had all worked out.

He let himself swagger as he walked out of the examination room, Bones hissing suspiciously and proudly at him.

He had come up on top.

And, for once, there was not the bitter after taste of sacrifice, collateral damage and repercussions.

Jim Kirk was on top of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank You So Much For READING. I hope you enjoyed this. This is a multi chapter fic, I will try and update as much as possible.  
> Anyways, have a good day/afternoon/evening/midnight/early morning and God Bless You :)


End file.
